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Posts Tagged ‘pediatrics’

You read about diseases and their complications in medical school. You memorize the pathophysiology behind all the possible ways you can die, and then you get tested on them.

You read all about the lives that the flu claimed the year H1N1 hit. You watch your first cardiac arrest as a medical student during a shift in the emergency department.  You experience the death of your own grandparent.

But nothing prepares you for the death of a pediatric patient.

What is it about children that makes their death such an unfair, nearly unbearable tragedy? Is it their innocence in the face of a miserable situation? Is it our inability to fully control their pain no matter how much morphine we pump through their veins, or fully control their air-hunger no matter how much respiratory support we provide? The inability to explain to them why we need to stick a needle in their arm and take out vials and vials of blood? What is it?

It is because to a 4-year-old, nothing makes sense about: “I am trying to help you feel better, so now I need to drill a hole into your bone marrow.”

It is the fear that takes over your being when you see the blood pressure drop, the heart get tired, the skin turn pale—no matter how good the chest compressions and how adequate the fluid boluses and how appropriate the dose of epinephrine (and the second dose, and the third dose). It is the moment in time that you realize it’s over but you’re still trying, keeping a strong face, calling for more help and continuing to stare at the monitors—hoping for a miracle while the whole time reciting “Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…” over and over again in your head. It is the moment the nurse turns to you and yells: “The heart rate’s not coming up, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?!!!” But there’s nothing left to do. It is the moment when you call the parents into the room. It is the utter nonexistence of comforting words.

And when it’s done, and small child is gone, and the parents are being taken care of elsewhere, and the room has been cleaned, you sit and you cry with the nurses. You ask your attending what you could have done differently. You feel foolish for not having known sooner, acted more quickly, done the impossible.  And then you walk away, feeling undeservedly fortunate in all of your health and vitality, swearing never again to complain about life’s trivialities.

He was just 2 months old. He was supposed to have a life full of ear infections, detentions for being silly in class, arguments with his pediatrician about marijuana being “a medicine,” struggling through class in college, getting dumped by the “love of his life,” paying bills, and all the other nonsense that we tend to make such a huge fuss about.

It is very difficult. And one passing does not make the next one easier. Because it’s about children. And it’s enough to scare you to death about having kids of your own one day.

Does it make me a better doctor? I’m not sure. I hope?

But it sure throws things into perspective.

kids

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I’m 2 months into my 2nd year as a pediatric resident (which means I survived my month in the pediatric intensive care unit… heehee!!!), and as I sit here incredulous about time’s ability to fly past me, I can’t help but muse over how I managed to make it through my intern year.  Besides taking a quick, pertinent patient history, and getting pretty good at looking in kids’ ears as they actively fight me and my otoscope, I picked up on a few things that ensured my year was, for the most part, a smooth sail.

So after much thought, here it goes… my Ten Commandments for surviving a medical internship:

1) Know how to introduce yourself.

If you walk into the neonatal intensive care unit on your first day of your rotation, and you tell the nurse that’s been working there for 30 years, “Hi, my name is Dr. Blah-blah-blah,” they will not be fooled.  They are FULLY aware that you are a glorified 4th year medical student with two new letters after your last name, and that you have NO IDEA what you are talking about.  Instead, drop the title, offer your first name with a friendly handshake, and DO WHAT THEY TELL YOU.  On the other hand, if the lab is taking forever to process blood tests you sent off on a patient two hours ago, pick up the phone, politely but firmly introduce your Dr. Blah-blah-blah self, and you’ll realize that somehow, magically, things get done.

hi, I’m new here! will you be my friend??!

2) Accept that you don’t know anything.

In elementary school, you were in the A-Honor-Roll.  In high-school, you were in the National Honor Society.  In college, your GPA got you into medical school.  In medical school, you somehow survived.  In intern year, you don’t know anything.  You are at the bottom of the totem pole of life.  Realize it.  Embrace it.  And do something about it!  Ask the nurses lots of questions (who, after doing #1 above, and after you’ve demonstrated respect for their experience and knowledge, will be on your side), take note of how the upper-level residents gracefully waltz their way between patients, and be open to feedback and constructive criticism.

first day of first grade.  completely unnecessary photo, but awwwww….

3) Don’t ever imply that people are not doing their job.

Unless of course, you want to die.  Sure, you sometimes write an order to discontinue a patient’s IV fluids and 4 hours later you realize they are still running.  Bring it to the respective person’s attention, apologize that you didn’t make yourself clear earlier, and move on.

4) Quit complaining.

OH MY GAWD.  Were you really expecting to have a fantastic schedule, weekends off, and a high salary?  Please.  You FINALLY arrived at the point in your life towards which you have been working for as long as you can remember.  You chose this and you are fortunate enough to have achieved it.  You work 80 hours a week, get 4 days off a month, and have a broken circadian rhythm… and you knew it would be this way.  And now you are surprised that you are stuck in the hospital on a Friday night?  Quit being a baby.

booyah! champagned it.

5) Have a positive attitude.

#4 nicely leads to #5.  While a negative attitude weighs you down and brings out the worst in you, a positive attitude lifts you up, puts you in the appropriate mindset, and brings out your best.  If you HAVE to spend New Year’s Eve covering the hematology and oncology floor, why not allow yourself to be ok with it?  Decide every day to open your mind and heart to this profession you chose, and give it your best.

being silly facetiming with my dad at 3 am. we were both on call, me in Boston and he in Mexico… and we were wearing matching scrubs!

6) Expect the worst.

If you are starting a week of nights, expect a very high patient load, lots of notes to write, patients that suddenly need to be resuscitated, and absolutely no time for sleep.  This way, if you only admit a few patients, patients behave themselves, and you are able to sneak in a 2 hour nap at 4 am, you will feel like the luckiest person alive!

7) Dress the part.

It takes just as much work to throw on black pants and an old sweater as it does to look a little fabulous.  And when you look good, you feel good.  And when you feel good, you work good.  And when you work good, people are happy with you.  And when people are happy with you, you love your day more.  Get it?

pizzazz.

8) Stay organized.

If you are going to be admitting patients, always keep admission materials on hand (for example, at my hospital this means a history and physical form, and medication reconciliation form, and a doctor’s medication order sheet).  If you are in the neonatal intensive care unit, stuff your bag with materials on how to adjust ventilator settings, how to make a blue baby that’s not breathing alive again, etc.  And get some sort of small notebook that fits in your white coat or scrub pocket where you can slowly collect pearls of information regarding patient care.  My choice was MGH’s Pocket Pediatrics, because it has rings and I can add important things to it.  It also has pockets inside the front and back covers, where I keep my PALS card, list of hospital phone numbers, table with normal vitals signs for every pediatric age group, brochure of different IV fluid and electrolyte solutions available at my hospital’s pharmacy, etc.

my Pocket Pediatrics = my security blanket

9) Don’t beat yourself up.

I used to sit at morning and noon conference (the equivalent of our short, daily “classes” during residency) agonizing about everything they were talking about that I wasn’t understanding.  The more I agonized, the more my mind shut down.  Now, I pay as much attention as possible.  If I don’t understand something, I try my best to make a mental note to look it up or ask someone about it afterwards, and move on.  I have also fully given in to the theory that we residents learn by osmosis: the idea that we learn without being aware of it, through our daily exposures.  It’s true.  And you don’t actually believe it until the new wave of interns arrives and you think “Wow! I actually know more than they do!”

juggling 3 pagers

10) Treat yourself.

Have fun.  Allow yourself to catch up with old friends.  Talk to your mom.  If you have a weekend off, make pancakes for breakfast! If you have a balcony, sit outside with a good book.  Check your free weekends ahead of time, and plan what you want to do with each one so that your precious days off don’t go wasted (camping weekend, skiing trip, etc.).  And DON’T FORGET YOUR HOBBIES!  If you are happy outside of work, you’ll be happy inside of work.

amazing day at the beach with my residency friends and some of our significant others

So there you have it. What do you think?  If you too have gone through this, please share YOUR advice in the comments below.  We’d all love to know about your experience!

Good night to all of you, and happy medical training!

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GOOD MORNING, WORLD!!!!

It’s 6 am and I’m watching the sun come up from the recesses of the emergency department as I come off a coffee high.  To kick off my year as a—AHEM!—junior resident (as in, no longer intern), I’ve been working the overnight shift in the ER… and I finally got my system down for how to survive this place.  For me, it takes 5 key items… regardless of how many puking, lacerated, feverish, or plain old healthy kids with anxious parents show up:

my security blanket: my pocket pediatrics book (which fits in my scrub pants’ back pocket) that i’ve customized by flagging everything i need to find quickly, and to which i’ve inserted my PALS card (like, the algorithm we follow to save lives and stuff), a chart of normal vital signs for all age ranges, and a list of hospital extensions for everybody i could ever possibly need to bother in the middle of the night

The list of intelligent things I carry around ends there.

good comfortable shoes (that usually look more awake than i do)

a warm, soft, lightweight jacket… because hospitals are FREEZING at night!

Sally the Purple Monkey, as named by one of my patients; she lives on my stethoscope and makes me less scary

snacks. lots and lots of snacks.

But most importantly, good cheer!

I have the next 3 days off, and plan to finish refurbishing my latest garage sale treasure during that time.  Yay!  Stay tuned for a Before-and-After post soon… as well as for a post on how I survived the scariest thing I’ve done to date: my intern year of residency!

Happy Sunday!

“Likes” make a blogger’s heart happy, and comments make a blogger’s heart happiest! So if you’re reading, let me know. Subscribe for email post notifications on the right-hand sidebar, and follow DoctorOnTheSide on Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest!

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* sequined top from Ross, $9 * green scrub pants from Hermann Hospital, free (or as the fashion bloggers would say, gifted) *

YO YO YO!  The babies are all breathing.  No one is projectile vomiting bile, pooping blood, or turning blue.  Soooo… that clearly means I can write a blog post from the NICU computer?

DISCLAIMER:  This is not a fashion blog.  I REPEAT: This is not a fashion blog.

That said, let’s begin.  I don’t ever write posts about fashion.  HOWEVER, because one of the blogs I regularly follow, Pretty Shiny Sparkly (a-super-girly-blog-that-represents-everything-that-I-am-not-but-that-I-can’t-stop-reading-because-the-writer-went-to-my-med-school-and-her-fiance-hooked-me-on-it-by-mentioning-it-one-day-during-our-neurology-rotation), is hosting a new Bloggers Do It Better challege about SEQUINS, and I happened to wear something pretty sequiny on New Years Day.  With my scrubs.  To the NICU.  BECAUSE IT WAS NEW YEARS!  So I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to participate.

I think these challenges go something like this:  Kristina, the author of PSS, posts a fashion challenge for her readers.  Then, the readers come up with a sweet outfit, take pics, and post them on their respective blogs.  They showcase each piece they’re wearing, talk about where they bought it, who the designer is, etc., etc., etc.  Then Kristina compiles it all into one place so all the fashionistas can easily be—inspired—by one another.  So, if I happen to finish putting this together before the deadline (my line of work is quite unpredictable, and my blogging at the hospital is SURE to be interrupted multiple times), I just might end up participating in her latest challenge.  Will I fit in with these girls?  Maybe… if I just follow fashion blog protocol.  I think I’m supposed to show you the various pieces I’m wearing, and talk about their brand names…

* Sanitas clogs, $150 (aka: the most expensive pair of shoes I own. aren't they sexy?) * grandpa sweater from Sam's Club, $12 *

I’m also supposed to strike some America’s-Next-Top-Model-like poses for the camera, showing off my accessories and such.  Again, it’s fashion blog protocol.

* orange Littmann stethoscope (my most popular accessory as of late) * gold bracelet my Tia Roxanna gave me when I was 7 years old for my first Holy Communion * engagement/wedding ring and Aggie Ring * fossil watch * Guess earrings my BFF Ita gave me 5 years ago *

I was kinda bummed about working through January 1st, but it turns out the NICU was THE PLACE TO BE at the hospital.  I knew it was going to be a good day when the nurses started prepping the “champagne” (sparkling grape-juice) glasses… at 8 AM.
Then there was all the food!!!!  All day long.  We had bagels with cream cheese and salmon for breakfast at 9 AM.  By 11 AM, we were toasting (“to babies!”) with our plastic champagne glasses.  At 1 PM there was a variety of home-made finger foods and dips for lunch.  At 3PM there was coffee and cake.  And all day long, people kept sticking candy in my scrub pockets.  And we wore tiaras and ridiculous beaded jewelry.  IT. WAS. AWESOME.
My New Year’s resolution is to bond more with my patients, so I started on day #1.  Also, isn’t this the cutest blood pressure cuff you’ve EVER seen?
And can you believe that sometimes the patients are so small we have to put it around their THIGH??!  Craaaaazy.  I hope everybody had a great holiday season.  And if you spent your holidays at work, I hope you found a way to enjoy it anyway.

residency is so tough! i work so haaaaaaaard.........

Happy 2012!

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❶ wearing ridiculous combinations of clothes… because I can (and because it distracts people from how tired I am) ❶

This is long overdue! I’m not being a very good doctor on the side. Actually, I’m not even being a little bit of a normal human being. Check it: I haven’t had a day off since 2 Saturdays ago… and I looked forward to starting my week of nights because it would mean that I would have one morning to sleep in before heading to the hospital. When I told my senior resident that I couldn’t wait to start nights so I could sleep in for a morning, she said: “That’s sad.” Yeah, kind of. So I slept in yesterday. I woke up at 2 PM, enjoyed a brief 2 hours at home (watching Oprah’s Lifeclass and drinking a cup of coffee on the couch) and then headed to the hospital for the first of 6 night shifts. Needless to say, several of my high five of the week involve the little things that bring me joy at the hospital.

❷ the “patient” snack fridge, stocked with midnight goodies for ME! ❷


❸ dogs visiting “patients” ❸


❹ …enough said. ❹

❺ taking a brief minute to enjoy my first fall before going to work ❺

Have a GREAT weekend everyone! I’ll be wearing scrubs for most of it! Also, has anyone seen my orange stethoscope???! I can’t find it and the rest of my orange life misses it :(

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I began residency on a particularly interesting note: a rotation through “Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics.”  Between spending time evaluating kids for autism, adjusting ADHD medications, and rating prematurely born toddlers’ developmental milestone achievements, I was assigned the task of preparing a presentation regarding a topic of my choosing.  My topic was to represent ANY aspect of child development—be it normal or abnormal—and I would end my rotation by leading an interactive discussion with the behavioral/developmental pediatricians and fellows at my residency program.

My topic selection came easily, as I chose something I have always been interested in: the poorly understood, but developmentally normal circumstance of “gender variance.”  What is that, you say?  Gender variance is a person’s naturally persistent pattern of preferences and behaviors characterized as typical of the opposite gender.  When I learned that one of the doctors at my program conveniently is a national expert on childhood gender variance, I JUMPED on the opportunity to be mentored by her.  The rest of my month, as you can probably anticipate, was faaaaaaabulouuuus!!!

With this project, I dove into the issue of differentiating “sex” from “gender,” and exploring society’s role in archaically defining “what is masculine” from “what is feminine.”  By reading through case reports of children as young as one and two years of age with preferences deviating from society’s expected “norm,” I confirmed my suspicion that gender variance is as naturally present from birth as is dark or pale skin.  I learned that kindergarteners will not ridicule a boy who likes Barbies or a girl who dresses up as Batman unless they have learned intolerance from their parents.  I learned that—regardless of gender variance or gender typicality—the happiest, strongest, most resilient, and most successful children are those who are unconditionally accepted, loved, and supported.  I was exposed to the terrible reality that the constant, undeserved marginalization experienced by the gender variant population places them at an unforgivably high risk for severe secondary psychopathology (anxiety, depression, suicide).  And gender variant children present to our developmental/behavioral clinic not because they need fixing, but because their parents and families need a whole lot of educating.

I also learned about “The Sissy Duckling” by Harvey Fierstein, a WONDERFUL children’s book that you need to click here and buy RIGHT NOW.  Come on, it’s like $7.99!  It is beautifully written and illustrated (and that is coming from someone who both reads, and draws!).  The story is creative, funny, applicable to everyday life, and educational to child and adult alike.  More importantly, sharing such stories with our kids/nieces/nephews/students/patients/everybody is the first step we can take as a society to spread the message of love, equality, and embracing differences.  After all, kids only do, say, and think as they learn from adults, perpetuating a cycle that can just as easily uplift as it can destroy.

So lets wake up and smell the 21st century coffee, people!  It’s time to get educated, practice tolerance, and do our part in promoting love, acceptance and understanding.  Opt for uplifting.

Resources for kids, teens, and families:

Sweet books for kids and early teens!

Books for young adults and parents:

And of course, the powerpoint presentation of the hour ↓

An Unexpected Chief Complaint: Addressing gender variance in pediatric primary care

My talk was awesome, and I could not have hoped for the response to my topic to be more positive, or for the dialogue that ensued between the developmental/behavioral docs and I to have been any more fascinating.  My project mentor recently offered me the opportunity to conduct a prospective study of gender variant children with her, and I accepted.

“An Unexpected Chief Complaint: Addressing gender variance in pediatric primary care” may be used for personal, public, and educational purposes with permission from the author.  Please let me know!  I would love to hear from you.

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